I’ll Have the Paranoia Sandwich; Hold the Mayo

Working from home, I don’t go out to lunch as often as I did when I was at an office every day. Staying in at lunchtime has been healthier for my wallet and my waistline. But every now and then I get a hankering for some fast food.

Such was the case yesterday. I started to crave a Jimmy John’s sandwich. Jimmy John’s isn’t my favorite place, but the stomach wants what the stomach wants. Several guacamole sightings last weekend had me thinking of the Beach Club sandwich. It has turkey, provolone cheese, guacamole, cucumbers, tomatoes, lettuce, and mayo. That’s my go-to menu item: a number 12 on wheat bread, no mayo, but add Dijon mustard.

I decided that on Monday I would get one for lunch. My yoga class is on Monday night, so I don’t usually eat dinner, which allows me a guilt-free big lunch. A full stomach is not something you want when you’re bending and stretching yourself into a pretzel. I embarrass myself in class on a regular basis in a variety of ways. No need to add upchucking during pigeon pose to my repertoire.

I didn’t tell anyone about my plan for the sandwich. Why would I? Although, that wouldn’t be completely out of character for me. My enjoyment of talking about food is second only to the actual eating of it. Without coworkers, Mr. Maid would have been the only one to tell, but the subject didn’t come up.

So, this morning, before settling into work on my latest freelance project, I did my usual rounds of social media. There, on Facebook, was an ad for Jimmy John’s. And it wasn’t just a JJ ad, but the sandwich pictured was… a #12 on wheat. The only difference between it and my anticipated sandwich was a smear of mayo where my Dijon mustard would be.

I’m no stranger to coincidences. I’ve even written about them before, like in this post. I guess it’s not that unreasonable to see an ad about a popular sandwich shop. But the actual sandwich? That kicks it up a notch, don’t you think?

It’s common knowledge that social media uses our preferences and recent purchases to learn about us. There’s also widespread speculation that they spy on us through our cameras, phones, and TVs. They – yes they – assure us there’s nothing to worry about. And they never lie, right?

But I didn’t post anything about my love of the #12 or mention it out loud. So there really is only one explanation. Facebook can read my mind. And they’re monitoring my sandwich consumption. Or I watched the latest episode of Homeland last night. I think a vast dark-web conspiracy is much more likely, don’t you?

“Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t after you.”  ~Joseph Heller, Catch 22